Thursday, March 26, 2015

EDD

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

It's my Expected Date of Delivery (EDD) day!

Ceh, happy macam sambut besday pulak. 3 minggu yg lalu kemain sedih kan. Meleleh2 air mata sambil taip entry lepas kena tinggal dek laki yg kena pegi keja jauh. Drama sangat kau nih. 

Alhamdulillah hari ni mummy happyyy, sebab dapat jalan2. Ye, jalan sesaje.... Siang tadi kite and hubby round2 kat One Utama tu macam takde hala tuju, tapi dengan niat yang tulus, iaitu nak mudah dan cepatkan bersalin... Oh anak bilakah dikau mahu keluar.. adohai. 

So tadi kitorg pusing2 tingkat 1, naik tingkat 2, turun balik, pusing lagi. Pastu benti kejap pit stop makan eskrem baskin robin, then balek... Sabar je lah si bapak melayan. I luvvvv you lah daddy! heheheheee. Kenapa jalan2 kat OU? Sebab dia besar, tak jauh dari rumah dan tak panas jalan2 dalam air cond hahahaha

Tp okla, tak penat pun. Cuma tak boleh jalan laju sebab pelvic ni dah sempit, so jalan la pelan2 macam penguin comel. Badan pun dah tak balance. Asyik nak terlanggar hubby je tadi hahahaha

Lepas tu kitorg pegi Giant pulak, nak cari vco catalyst sebab kite punye dah nak habes.  Plus nak survey set berpantang. Ya Allah sampai dah nak terberanak duk survey lagi tak habes2 bila tah nak belinye hahahahah pastu kitorg makan kat foodcourt giant dan balik rumah dengan sebutir air kelapa muda... my favorite hihihs 

Semalam pegi check up... my very last anc for this pregnancy actually, yelah dah EDD harini. So the doctor gave me an admission form - to be admitted on EDD + 7 day nanti, iaitu pada 2 april minggu depan. Admit huntuk hape? Untuk IOL (Induction of Labor) la waaaaaaaaaaaa............. T____T nanges stat. 

Kite taknak IOL sebab.... First, kalau boleh, sangat2 la, taknak, sebab iolls takut fail lalu kena C....... oh my, i dun wanna say that word. 

Keduanya 1 april tu hubby dah kena gerak ke terengganu.. oh.. kalau dia balik, then next day I get admitted sorang2... Sooo so sad okay. Oh, tak, tak okay. Nanges lagi. T_____________T

Ketiganye, kalau boleh, seboleh2nye takmau la nyusahkan emak untuk temankan kite dalam labor room tu. Spital bagi kebenaran untuk salah sorang - samada suami atau ibu untuk temankan pesakit in labor. Dahla nak mak jagakan kite dalam pantang nanti, jaga baby... tak sanggup nak tengok mak tunggu kite lame2 berjam2 dalam labor room tu. Plus, kite malu la kat mak kite, ... hiks. 

Semua ini membuatkan aku berada dalam dilema. Hu. 

Ok baby, we have to stay positive. We have about five days to work it out. Come on baby, you dont wanna stay in there forever rite? Dont u wanna see mummy and daddy? =)

Oh Allah, please ease this journey for us, and for the sake of the baby, as You knows what's best for us. ameennn ...

Mmuuahhh!

Thursday, March 5, 2015

This time, it is different

Assalamualaikum...

I used to be left by my husband for 2 weeks long for work, but this time it is different. 4th Feb 2015 marked the day I woke up with mixed feelings. Sad, angry, scared, empty, lost.

Bangun2 je dari tidur terus rasa tak nak pergi kerja. How am I going to leave for work when I know that I will be left alone the moment I get home later in the day? Wah sedihnye. So I text-ed my senior asking for leave. Thank God he approved it. 

I just want to be with my husband on his last day at home. Initially I was planning to ask him to bring me to the bank to run some errand, but ended up we just spending the time together doing nothing. 

We ate breakfast together, lepaking in the bedroom, transferring files on the laptops, taking naps, arguing over the aircond (he hate the coolness from the aircond but I couldn't stand the hot weather!), watching him packing his bags, listening to him reminding me about this and that, etc...

Then there comes Zohor prayer time around 1.30pm and I know the time for him to leave me is just around the corner. While performing the prayer itself I couldn't stop my tears from expressing the sadness that I kept inside since few days ago. 

I finished my prayer and try to talk to him as usual, hiding my sobbing tone and the traces of tears on my praying veil. 

We ate our lunch together, and I still could hold the feelings. Sending him off the door, and then to the car was the hardest part. I was standing right in front of the gate when my eyes burst into tears once again. I didn't care if there was anyone watching me. When he noticed it, he went off the car and came to me. He gave me a hugged, rubbed my back and asked me to stop crying, softly. How could I? ... 

I couldn't, but still I have to let him go. I watched him left with heavy feelings, and then continue crying in my bedroom up stair. My baby kicking non stopped as if she knew what's happening. 

It will be the longest 2 weeks of my life. I'm in 36 weeks + 6 days into my pregnancy now, going to be full term by tomorrow. And then it will just be a matter of time for the baby to see the world. 

Yes I want my husband to be around when the time comes. Yet I've made up my mind to be prepared for any circumstances. 

But what scares me is that.... well you know, giving birth is not a simple process. For what I have saw and heard and learnt from my experienced, there are plenty of 'things-that-we-don't-want-to-happen' that might be there during that duration. And that would be more terrible if it occur without your love ones around. Naudzubillahi mindzalik. 

That is why this time, I was so sad and scared when he left me. I'm scared I can't see him anymore.  I'm scared if the past two weeks was the last moment we being together. 




Oh Allah, please forgive us, save us, save him... Allow us to reunite when the time comes.  Ameen... 


:'(

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